The historic context was that men often died in battle . But here I am, married to a man who was married before. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. She also explained, "I never made differences among children". But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. Istanbul, Turkey. Why American Muslims don't care to legalize polygamy. - Slate Magazine A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. 'I don't care about anything. This practice of taking on another wife while still married to the first one is called polygamy, not to be confused with origami - which is the art of folding colored papers. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). Gabe and I won't have that. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . Dealing with your partner's baggage. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." disadvantages of being a second wife islam. The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". Polygamists Are Using An App to Find Their 'Second Wife' Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. Jul 20, 2016, 1:53 AM. These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. Then there are the kids. "If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. I never expected to be a second wife. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. Not many people like a second wife. While Pakistan being an Islamic state where religion allows polygamy, the more typical reasons have been observed in the current study by multiple co-wives such as infertility, a woman being a mother only by female children, love marriage, or family pressure with the reference of religious doctrine. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". Azad Chaiwala, CEO and founder of the Second Wife and Polygamy marriage websites. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? Why does Islam allow polygamy? - Islam Ahmadiyya Journalism strengthens democracy. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. Polygamy: As Supreme Court decides on banning it, here's how Muslim 5. Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. Then I learned that marriages arent like cars, independent of the people in them, to be fixed according to an owner's manual. What it's like to be in a polygamous marriage? Muslim Malaysians share He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. She was the first wife of her husband and it was a happy arranged marriage. Being A Second Wife: The 9 Challenges You Should Be Prepared For LDS doctrine leaves potential for 'eternal polygamy' - The Spectrum King MT. At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. Eleven women participated in the study. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. 2014; 8-10. 5. She was very much disturbed and afraid of losing her husband. They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Polygamy | The First Amendment Encyclopedia - Middle Tennessee State Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. Psychological impact of polygamous marriage on women and children: a All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights. Can expand your gene pool. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan.