Any help or advice is much appreciated. The pull back is so strong and I am starting to take it personal, this is someone who texted and called me 24/7, telling me how much he loves me and wants to marry me, to now almost nothing. I really want him back. "Needing to 'clear the head' is a desire to connect with themselves for deeper answers," Concepcion says. He is normally very affectionate. When we are together in person he is great! If a Man Behaves Like That, He Definitely Likes You, How To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work, 3 Things Every Man Is Looking For In A Relationship, The Must-Know Rules For Friends With Benefits, How to Get Your Ex Back in 5 Steps Guaranteed (With Testimonials), Ask a Guy: Exactly How To Turn A Guy On (How To Seduce A Guy, Part 2), 7 Major Mistakes Women Make that Push Men Away, 8 Telltale Signs Your Guy is Pulling Away (and What To Do About It), What Guys Want but Wont Ask For: (Things Guys Secretly Want You to Do), Exactly How To Get Over a Guy Who Doesnt Like You: 13 Easy Steps, Guy I've been seeing for two months is moving, He Invited Me on A Cruise When should I expect him to delete the app, Ask a Guy (Dating Tips / Relationship Advice for Women): Frequently Asked Questions. I Think this article just helped me figure out my situation with my guy he recently has been going thru financial issues, issues with his daughters mom, child support, mortgage increase.. etc.. basically stuff to stress him out.. and i get it.. ive been in his corner from day one, and have showed that Im here for him to help him, but he became more and more withdrawn. It seens like his taking his frustrations an personal issues out on you If i were you i would do no contact for awhile.. Then when he messages you tell him how you feel. No. Women either try to be helpful (which makes the man feel emasculated) or they take it personally and start becoming really insecure/needy (which makes the man feel burdened even more). From this point forward, you know something that will get you better results than ever before. How can I repair the damage Ive done? He cant get a job Well, guess what? I suppose this is where you say yada yada things even out over time, but in general what I see is that if a man cant handle the communication responsibilities of a relationship in tough times, then no, things arent going to even out. Said he was staying the weekend with his dad and his dad was in a nursing home. She wants him to visit her and he said he would. Recently, I just got back together with my ex. On another note, Eric, there needs to be more articles that tell men how to treat women, what THEY can do to help the relationship, etc. I still trust him somehow. Ill admit I have a very hard time giving him the space he needs and finding the balance between enough space and too much space is nearly impossible. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now, everything was perfect and great up until 3 months ago when we had a huge fight about his best friend (who he calls his little sister). What would happen if the tables were turned? email me. The guy Ive been dating fir the past 4 months does similarly. Here are a few texts that might prove particularly calming and comforting during this challenging time for them. Im concerned for him, how is he doing, handling this. If I were with someone who responded this way to stress and did not find a way to open up to me, Id be gone. I sent one text on friday morning. He has been ill with the flu which could explain things but it seems like he cant be bothered to initiate contact with me. i just dont know if/when its time to say ive had enough. One week though, something was gnawing at me to contact him, I couldnt sleep the night before, I needed to know what was going on. Thanks for a great response and to the OP, good luck and hang in there! Wow this made me feel 10x worse. Not exactly towards me, but it hurts my feelings. Feeling emotionally supported is one of the most important elements in a relationship. Also he even said he sees a future (i.e. He has barely been on facebook, which is something he was constantly on before, and I mean constantly! I am not the kind of girl to blow up his phone with texts & calls. I kept trying to reach out to him but it made him withdraw more. Im going through the same situation. My boyfriend cheated on me with my stepmom here's how I busted them Well for Agirl as i am a guy i can tell you he is holding himself from you, try to give him some hints or just say wat you want, many guys like when girls are free to talk, they feel that girl is close to him, try to make him feel that he is special and then things might start working. . He says that he feels like he will have to grieve the child all over again. He kept saying its not a good time and hes not in a good place and the classic its not you its me which I panicked thought he was ending it .At first he didnt want to see me at all, but then we went out and had drinks and talked. This builds resentment in them and will eventually corrode even the most intimate relationships. Did I screw it up by being too pushy after he asked for time? she didnt see her but by her voice jenny thought she might have been young. And don't sit on your phone for those two hours: Ride bikes, kick the ball, play games the goal is to tire them out. I care deeply for him but wondering if Im wasting my time with him again. he said he would make her fall in love with him much more than she was now. Plain and simple. Im willing to appreciate and admire, but frankly his attitude is really shitty and if I bow down to that, well that would be going against MY pride Why is it that men are allowed to be prideful but women must be nurturing and submissive even when they guy is acting like a sucky baby ? But he went through a divorce with two kids and things has been hitting him alot lately with money, work, kids, ex-wife so he has been stressed out. From the start of our relationship (9 months) I have had insecurities about her. He had a very stressfull week and was pulling away so i panicked and got needy, I called him and texted and worried. The behavior is so abnormal. that man-boy will start complaining, What about my needs?. That is what I did. That can help form a great relationship. I know he needs space and time but I dont want to loose him. I am a woman, I have my tough times too, most of time, harder and tougher than your guys, I go silent, I go depressed, I go distance, I go cold, but only to the ones I dont care that much, to the ones who cant touch my heart. When your SO is stressed, whats your signature move? Should I just leave him be and when he does reach out pretend like nothings wrong? I said I was sorry and he said its ok. Weve talked and I expressed how I felt and even asked if maybe we should just part ways, seeing were both busy and he doesnt seem to have much time for me? When i respond he will stay wait days to write back. Knowing what is too much can restore or build balance and trust. Rather than focusing on what you haven't gotten done, try focusing on all of the amazing things you have accomplished because it's a pretty impressive list, IMO. While I understand what you are saying but all relationships are due a little compassion..and that goes both ways. And yeah, I give him space. My story is my man and me have known each other since kids and the first boy to kiss me and skip 23 yrs he was a drug addicit and was domestic violence in his previous relationship. My last boyfriend was the best lover ever but turned out to be a much better friend that lover and we are the best of friends now. It is important but not that important right?) Its safe to say you can definitely get through this, too. How to Communicate with Someone Who Shuts Down | Psych Central . my boyfriend is mad at me for something i didnt do. Were looking forward to our 6th month together :D. That sounds great :) Congrats!! One of the many important elements of a relationship is satisfying and pleasing the other, she says. OKwhen you hear this stuff in passing one at a time it isnt too alarming but when I list themOMFG. He finally did call me up and told me his father has cancer which is why his parents were down, they came to tell him. They all say I am too good for him (in the looks sense) but that doesnt matter to me at all as I find him attractive to me. We went on 7 dates over 8 weeks, and he was always romantic and generous on these dates ie. I have a few traumatic instances that happened to . He is now withdrawn. How can I just leave him alone? I didnt realise that what he was not over was the child and that he felt he had lost one. When your partner refuses to talk out a conflict with you, "It often indicates that there is a lot of resentment and at least one partner feels like there is no point in even addressing their hurt/frustration," Richardson says. Hes paranoid Relationship Disenchantment | Psychology Today But he knows me, how I like romance I have got rid of all my friends for him. Taking a break from this relationship was his idea, so it's up to him to get back in touch with you if he wants to talk. He never responded to that and has given me no time frame or assurance again. I felt like he was being really weird, but didnt pay much attention to it because hes been so stressed out about his family. I am really happy for you even tho we dont know each other. Part of me is hurt by that and honestly, I was raised to believe that relationships arent supposed to work like that. Maybe your partner tells you they cant win or that they dont want to talk about specific topics anymore, Liz Colizza, MAC, LPC, NCC head of research at Lasting, tells Bustle. I just want to know if Im doing the right thing with giving him is space, but how do I not get mad about it though!!! It is not love. Ive ranted and pleaded and cried. If you want to take a break together, let me know! By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. He is an awesome guy. I finally got up the nerve to text him a hello after 2wks and he says hes still going through his stuff. Is your partner always yawning and sprawling out on the couch when youre around? He is no longer signing the texts xo and has not said anything about getting together again. If your partner tells you this, it may be wise to sit down with them and have a formal conversation about how long this break may last, and what it will look like, so you can both express what you need. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 2weeks now,he told me a week into our relationship that he has a baby on the way with n ex gf,He just recently came to see me a little after his son was born he stayed with me for 3 days then went home which he lives 2 hours away from me.when he did get back home i barely herd from him he dont text me or call me like he use to,he son is premature and i know he spends a lot of time at the hospital but even when he is not there he dont bother with me, a lot of times he ignores my text messages.i did ask him last night if he really did want to be with me he tells me yes i asked him why he dont bother with me and he tells me his busy.I dont know what to do i really dont want to lose him and he also admits he is still in love with his baby momma but tells me he does not want to be with her cause she has cheated on him in the past.I texted him once today to ask how his son was no reply from him so what do i do. My guy asked to stay friends and reached out recently to invite me to a bbq at his house, and Im hoping to reconcile. Its been really great despite some ups and downs. It's one of the signs that a guy is hiding his true feelings for you. I never expected anything from him.. ive been more than patient with him, i listen to him when he would talk about his issues.. and just try to understand, but now hes gone silent.. ive tried to call , no answer, no response to text or email.. do I just back off?? At the end of a difficult day, it is natural to complain and 'get out' the stresses of the day, Dr. Dorfman says. We exchanged 1 text the day before. It was hard but I just hung in there. What to do? We are both single parents. In other words, comparing your relationship to others (including one of your previous ones) is extremely toxic, and if your partner does this, it may because they're hoping to get back with an ex, or they're trying to sabotage the relationship in one way or another. There is someone out there that will want to be with you and not treat you like this. I have been mindful to use this approach with my boyfriend recently while he has been facing redundancy and have found him to be very open with me and that this has deepened our bond. Thats over a week ago. Hey anon..i totally agree with u actually it seems like u r in my head or something cuz u literally took my words .i m toi feeling the same i wanna stick around cuz i knw hes going through a tough time but at the same time i feel like i shud ask him to stop doing this or take some harsh steps reading ur comment made me feel soo good cuz now i knw m not alone so yeah wht shud i do how did u handle it, This guy and I work in the same office , hmmm few months back we decided to get into the whole friends with benefits kind of ., prior to that we used to text occasionally He had been really stressed because hes currently unemployed, hes having family issues, etc. I knew he was home and tried to call him an hour later and he didnt answer. I fret with my friends & my mother. . But the love of my life knew i wasnt serious about breaking up and we were able to reconcile. So yeah, theres a time and a place for having a frank discussion and being on the same page. Even when I had a minor heart attack that same day he didnt seem nearly as distraught about that as he was about her. I know he does it on purpose because I always tell him I pray for him. Just recently found this article and wanted some insight.I was with a guy for over a year we always had a good relationship if anything it was the distance that felt heavy at times, we did hav disagreements but we did resolve them like two mature adults. he is 4 years older than me and anti-socialized lol, I lean on him when Im upset about something that hes done and I get mad and he knows why Im mad. Things were going great until his personal life became really stressful. At first (known each other since the start of the year, exclusive as of about a month ago) he was sweet, affectionate, great at communication, always wanting to hang out and the last few weeks Ive barely seen him, sporadically sweet and actually has gone days with either a text or two or nothing at all. Hes really stressed with not working, his dog dying, best friends dad having lung cancer, and everything just adding up. after 5 years he left now he calls and says he needs his clothes says a day hell pick them up and then doesnt , whats going on??? marriage) with me*. We were supposed to be moving in together and getting married this year. I am not taking it personally however we met online and he is still signing into his online account several times a day, my thoughts being if he has time to sign into his online account he has time to send me a text. He may not feel that he is good enough for you. He wants me around though, and that tells me Im doing something right, for him, and what he needs right now. :) At least you guys are still talking and everything. marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson. Give them a solid block of time during the day when they can make calls, uninterrupted, and you deal with the kids. But the thing is i have yet to go MIA nor gotten unhappy because that situation has yet to happen. But he had not shut me out. We had a great time, talked for hours, and both had the best kiss of our lives (exact words coming from his lips). He blames me entirely for making him think about and deal with this again. Your advice is very helpful. And btw should i meet my bfs ex? Did things get better with your guy? Ive been letting him have space and all he does is text me randomly hateful messages. He told me that the family issues were still ongoing and causing a lot of stress. Im really weary of hearing let them have their space. at the end he took her back. This text is good for one back rub, redeemable whenever and wherever. He really showed his interest. Made many exceptions for him. Just relax about all of this and that he just needs some time. What do I do?? Thank you! (mind you, hes a truck driver, so for him not to be on the road, took a toll on him) I am trying to give him space to feel better and sort out how he feels, but this is starting to have a lot of consequences on my well-being. Yes, i admit, ive taken it personal, because ive been more than kind and caring to him during this time. Completely in the moment, he takes care of me, hes affectionate The month of October I really started to feel disconnected from him (my perspective & point of view. My boyfriend ask for a 2 week break from me and where getting married in 6months but the whole reason why he asks for that break so he can study but im scared im gonna lose him or he fall in love with other girl. I didnt offer help, just that I understood and that I was here for him no matter what, and when hes ready to talk; I am here. Its so hard for me to fathom that if he loves me, which he says he still does, but can go MIA, not want to hang out or be sweet/affectionatehard to not take in personally. i tried to tell him it wasnt me, i tried giving him space. But add in the upcoming anniversary of his mothers death (which he flew home) + sick + longer hours at work. This month was his friends wedding and he was the best man so he used to practise his speech on me and I feel he does share alot of his future plans and stuff with me things were going okay even we havent met since he got back as hes been pretty sick we still talk everyday It was a terrible break up back then and I saw him after all those years, hes divorced now for over a year, and he apologized for how awful he was and could we get together for dinner. With that said, when a guy is under a lot of emotional or psychological stress, he will want to withdraw socially until hes figured out his situation. Basically we said we loved each other in october, upto that point it was perfect! Although initially I poked him, trying to solve his problems and offered help. What I did was still text him once in two weeks. I understand why you might feel like crap you regret the actions you took. Things were going so well, and we've been officially together for 3 months now. He will always hover around me and sometimes stand on his own (something he would do then we would both go up to each other the few months before) but I turn my back on it and I dont know why I am being like this, even when he tried to brush his body past mine , I looked at him like hes weird.- I dont want to lose him! I truly do believe him. etc and I now hate myself for it because I dont think Im a needy person but I know I was coming across as needy but I just wanted reassurance because I had a dramatic breakup and partially left my last boyfriend for him and was worried that he was already bored of me. its not because i didnt like him, it was because i was afraid that the next morning, he would be gone. We spent the whole Our conversations are not very often. So I need your insight into what my boyfriends thinking. When they broke up he said it took him about a year to get over it that he took it really badly. Does Your Partner Shut Down During Arguments? - Psychology Today I feel terrible, he is so angry. It just takes a text: Partner text messages can reduce cardiovascular responses to stress in females. His is staying with his mum and she is telling him to take a step back and on monday he said we are still together but he is staying with his mum and needs to find his independence but not talking to me and i am lost and i trying to give space and i am afraid i am losing my best friend my partner pls help. (In my mind I felt light hearted about the situation though, not as if I was really intending we would move in together soon). One last thing to keep in mind: Its unfortunate, but sometimes in an effort to help, women actually cause men to retreat deeper into their shell because of how they react to his withdrawn behaviors. and mad. ..he immediately gets offense and wont talk l. Or says he didnt know I wanted to. Relationship Anxiety: 16 Signs and Tips - Healthline There is a reason why she is the past. We started dating in January. I think accepting these stereotypes is damaging to a relationship and maintains an unhealthy status quo. I know he cares but is this just something new for me and thats why I got so excited and its starting to sizzle a little now that he is gone. The wknd was great, until the day he left on Monday. Sending supportive texts when your partner is stressed is pretty straightforward. What I was doing, clearly was not working, so I needed to STOP and re-think. Oh yeah, and let your partner go first.