Mental illness alone is no excuse to break up with someone. Second, what the relationship has been for you, what it meant for you is not necessarily what it meant for him. We almost broke up in July but decided to try to work on things. If your boyfriend pretended to be depressed, you need to know that he used a very common Its not you, its me excuse. He fooled you into pitying him and leaving him alone so he could do whatever he wanted to do. And just to be able to know Im still the person he wants to be with. I made the decision to leave the relationship, I didnt want to, but I didnt want to add to his stress and having to worry about pleasing me. We barely spoke during this month, and she told me she wanted to break up this Tuesday. When your partner is suffering from depression, he or she does not have a control that could be exercised voluntarily to stop the symptoms. A person dealing with depression for the past few months has lived through hell on earth. Always remember that people who care about you will stay in your life and come to your aid. He couldn't explain much to meit was like, he didn't even know why he was feeling like this. But after he went to the hospital that day, he stopped telling me loved me, stopped being affectionate and loving all together. Talk to him about what are the changes he is facing(physical and mental).ask him questions like, are you feeling low about something?, have your motivation to work gone?. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. My depressed boyfriend broke up with me and I'm confused as how I Copyright OptimistMinds 2023 | All Rights Reserved. Im just so confused as the best way to be with him if it is depression. My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me Yesterday!! He Is Depressed Shes going through a really really hard time and that affected how she felt about a lot of things in her life. Looks like we went through this horrible experience on the exact same day. That was why he broke up with you in the first place. To him, breaking up is a self-defense mechanism as he assumes that pushing you away will allow him to focus on himself and prioritize his emotional health. Do you think its the depression and anxiety talking as to why he broke up with me? I found this method quite useful to minimise the chance of my mind filled up by the same thoughts all the time it helped me to be less confused, and could progress even though the pain would take a long time to heal. He has been depressed for a long time (pretty much our entire relationship which was 2.5yrs) and told me that after I had been gone travel nursing (1 solid month apart) he just spiraled so deep that he didnt even know if he loved me anymore (he said he just didnt feel anything about anything). We ended up being friends for a year, becoming best friends and he asked me out last July. . Moreover, the content may be subjective, and not necessarily backed by research.Whilst, these personality articles have been written by subject expert psychologists the sole purpose of the article is to inform, educate and entertain, and cannot be substituted for professional opinion or advice. Also, that he still wants me in his life, but can't be romantic with me. My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. Be Careful About Breaking Up When You're Depressed Heres how you can tell if your ex-boyfriend is telling the truth. Breakups caused by depression are more common than you may think. Depression is a mental illness that can cause a person to experience intense sadness, along with that, they might lose hope in life and the future, along with a decreased sense of self-worth and low self-esteem. stressful life experiences may affect your mental health in various ways sometimes trigger prolonged and severe emotional distress. then said "I Love you" for the first time. It means that he needs to work on improving his coping mechanism and staying in love even if you dont always reach his expectations. Don't take it personally when he pushes you away or avoids your calls/texts 3. Tell him how his behaviors are affecting the relationship and most importantly ruining your mental condition. At first, we were just casually talking, learning about each others, spending time together everyday, for quite a while and so we basically were friend, best friends. My boyfriend is depressed and yesterday he broke up with me, he told me that he wasn't happy and he didn't have the time to give me the attention that I deserve. Understand how each of you is responsible for caring for others, but at the same time, the other person is not responsible for fulfilling your every need.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_13',119,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); If, at any time, you see it is needed, find couples counseling, this will help you both deal with the challenges that may come. He acknowledges the things youre willing to do with him and for him, but he doesnt want what you have to offer right now. The thing about depressed guys though is that they dont have much if any energy left to work on themselves. They leave their partners at their worst and run off to enjoy their lives to the fullest. Such people dont deserve your care and neither should you crave theirs. Because they have problems, they often look for negatives in others and by doing so, ruin their own relationships. One day, youre helping your boyfriend with his stressors, and the next, he no longer appreciates your help and wants to be in a relationship. If his view of you changed, he might not as hell date other people. I understand why the break up happened because he has too many things to deal with. Heres a picture explaining the difference between internal and external happiness. He kept disappointing me by canceling plans last minute and when I finally communicated my disappointment, which we agreed to do, he said I triggered him and caused his anxiety to raise everytime I messaged him. He could come back after hes overcome depression but dont count on it. then said "I Love you" for the first time. They express that the breakup is not their girlfriends fault and that they have some things to figure out on their own. Well just make it simple and split them up into two types; long-term and short-term. A few studies show that a part of the basal ganglia called the nucleus accumbens has been referred to as the pleasure center. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-netboard-2','ezslot_20',121,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-netboard-2-0'); It can also be that they start to affect your sense of security. Boyfriend mention to me he didnt want to go to see his granddaughter because he didnt have the energy. It's run by a man, John Folk-Williams, who has lived through this himself. But it is important to keep in mind that, while dealing with depression, especially if he is not under treatment, be it therapy or medication, he might be experiencing intense depressive symptoms, and that is what is controlling their actions and behaviors right now. Do they match his words? Continue with Recommended Cookies, Home Relationships My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided. Weeks go by and the pain hasnt gotten any better. The only difference is that depressed dumpers blame the breakup on their depression whereas normal dumpers dont. You should take him to a professional who will be able to dig into the root causes behind his problems. He proceeded to hang out with his friends and cancelled on my twice in a weekend even the make-up plans he made. During extensive heated anger prone interactions, try to keep your cool. Or when he really starts to realize how much he misses me and starts feeling better? Before the breakup, he ghosted me for a week almost & told me he needs to think about things. Should I message him in a few weeks asking how hes doing? Ankylosing Spondylitis: Weve Got Your Back, Whats Next? Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, what is the best way to - Reddit It can come from little white lies to more serious matters. These emotions are likely a natural part of losing touch with someone who mattered to you. This can happen if they dealt with what was going in with them, and still have feelings for you. In a study, full and half siblings at high risk for major depression, were compared with individuals raised in their home environment, those reared in adoptive homes (homes selected in Sweden for their high-quality rearing environment) had a significantly reduced risk for major depression. You need to. Depression is such a condition which can seriously affect interpersonal relationships. When friends abandon you: What to do next? Everything went for the best, and we would travel to see each other during summers and winters. In Greek, anhedonia directly translates to without pleasure. It is a condition where one does not find anything interesting. This came as a complete shock to me because because he talked to his mother about the divorce we were perfectly fine. We were committed, we had goals, we had projects, we had a future together. He lost his mum, dad, and 2 best friends all in the space of 2 years. This protective effect disappeared if an adoptive parent had major depression or if the adoptive home experienced parental death or divorce during childhood/adolescence. I have been in no contact since 2 weeks now. Depression sometimes puts additional weight on a relationship and makes the couple struggle to stay emotionally connected. I dont give him any bother and I dont react. How did your stories develop since you posted here? Weve only been broken up two days and weve gone NC. He is feeling depressed and he wants to fix it. Along with that, the article explained how a person can cope with a breakup. Hell most likely need some kind of incentive to respect you, love you, and want to be with you. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. He didn't stay overnight or anything drasticbut it was a breaking point for him and he was prescribed new medication and sees a psychiatrist. He told me he didnt treat me the way I should be treated and I dont deserve that because Im an amazing person. Is it possible hell come back to me when hes feeling ready? And to think that this man was so in love with me just a month ago..i just feel like i don't know what to do or where we stand. They would have expressed how they felt and looked for solutions to work together despite their mental health illness. Its what he needs to stop feeling the negative emotions he broke up with you for. So dont think that hell run back to you the moment he feels better. As a dumpee, you likely cant tell whether your ex-boyfriend is telling the truth or if hes just unhappy with you. Follow Posted 4 years ago, 5 users are following. I wish you are doing very well now after 20 days. I feel abandoned let down but to hear him sobbing and telling me I deserved so much better than him, that he couldnt give me what I wanted even though all I ever asked for was his time broke my heart. Woman paralysed by her ex when he caught her in bed with a new man is But if he is unavailable to do so, it might be hard to not take it personally, or accept the breakup. It makes you feel powerless with nothing helpful to say and do. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. the thing was he could happily text me when he was horny or just for general speak. Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, what is the best way to navigate this? If anyone else dealt with this, what happened? His friends had taken him to a psychiatrist & has been on medication ever since! We met randomly through a mobile game app, it was totally unexpected and never would have we thought that we could fall in love with someone that way and so far from each other. They have a lack of motivation, satisfaction and interest in anything. It wasnt my first relashionship but it was my first long-distance relashionship, i was unsure back then how to handle one or if it was even possible to keep. Exes who become depressed after the breakup tend to crave a relationship with the dumpee whereas those who leave because of depression want a lot of alone time. Even being apart, we would call, videocall, text, watch movies together, listen to musics together, play games, every single day and whenever it was possible. You just accepted the end of the romantic relationship and stopped treating him as the most important person. We love each other & I was honestly shocked when he blindsided me with a breakup. It can change their behavior, how they see the world, and relate to people. Even though it may have its ups and downs, so do all relationships. And that it was never my fault at all or anything Im doing. I am sure he will further regain the trust and love he had for you. It's not my fault! With them, you will build a great space of trust and support. Her 5 roomates that shares the house werent there at all, and due to covid some of them had to cancel the lease, so she ended up paying more bills than she planned before moving. I am quite confused and im unsure what to do, how to feel, how to react, so writing it down ease my mind. Research states, this area of the brain is overactive in people with anhedonia. My girlfriend is actually going through major depression, she also think she might even be bipolar, since her mom is also bipolar. I want him to be happy and to heal. https://www.healthcentral.com/amp/article/depressed-boyfriend-broke-feels-needs-alone-how-show-together, My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), Excessive crying or inability to cry even when they want to. I dont want to lose him forever, I love him so much and I just wish I could help him :((((( please help if you can. But when you are in one with depression, an important thing to do is understand and learn more about the condition. He told me exactly this I cant do this anymore, Ive hit my lowest point. She doesnt know why she is feeling this way, she is upset because she wish she could give me a reason, she feels guilty that she is wasting my time. Depressed Boyfriend Broke Up With Me - Tiny Buddha 5 months into the relationship, his father passed away and he became depressed and he broke up with me. Read self-help books together to understand how to deal with depression and make a list of everything that could help him get out of the slump comfortably. Thank you for sharing. They dont like talking about them because thats how theyve developed themselves. She would text me less, we would spend less time together, she would not reply to me and ignore me, more and more as days passed. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Your blog & articles truly helps me find my way during these tough times. By distancing himself from you, he can stop worrying about your wants and needs and focus only on his. Very helpful is also storiedmind.com. This article is very helpful. As an understanding partner, you should keep your calm and try to get into the root of the problem through communication. I dont want to go out to date because that is simply wrong although I do feel the need to talk it is a dilemma. Heartbroken: Boyfriend with Depression Broke up with Me Im going through the something similar me and my ex girlfriend are both 19 she broke up with me because of depression and that she was emotionally drained she didnt realize she was depressed till about a few . From the following article My depressed boyfriend broke up with me, you will gather information about the criticality and consequences of having a depressed partner. It crushed me because I love him still and wanted to make things work. It doesnt feel like it was time. He was diagnosed with clinical depression a year ago because of a suicide attempt. I gave him everything and got very little in return. People with depression (especially guys) oftentimes internalize their problems. Its unlikely that hell come back just because hell deal with depression. If he didnt care about you when you needed him the most, he doesnt deserve you at your best either. In which you can speak about your thoughts and feelings without being judged. he says how he wants to be best friends and then later date but Im so scared we wont get to do either of those. They are quite doubtful about their potentials and suffer from constant conflict about their own self worth. Depressed Boyfriend broke up with me. Mine has less depression,(bizzare creative spurts of painting and playing the piano) but mood swings peaking into euphoria most of the time. I just want him to be happy and I wish I could help him. I know I cant fix him so Im slowly starting to accept he may not deal with it or come back. Meaning, if you got depressed maybe your reaction would have been to reach out to him more, for comfort while his reaction is to withdraw. Although it wont help you get him back, it will give you some clarity and perhaps even closure. There are a lot of stories here about the break up because of the depression (thank you so much to everyone for sharing) but does anyone have a bit more perspective on how these situations actually evolve? Be your partner mentally healthy or not. Aside from that, it is important to know if his depression was caused by a specific situation, or if it is something they are still struggling with because if that is the case, they might not go back until it is resolved. That way, youll exude high levels of self-control and show him that you understand what hes going through and that you truly care about him. We met when he transferred into my class and took a seat next to me.. Insight desperately needed. It was like he was pulling away from me. As a human, a good friend, a well wisher please help them rather than making them feel they are responsible for the breakup. And that he can't be happy with someone when he's not happy with himself and that he feels like he's changed. This article will discuss what can happen when your boyfriend, who is dealing with depression, breaks up with you. Which didnt get better. Remind him about his goals and dreams 2. Depression may seem like its all about him getting overwhelmed and thinking hes not good enough, but depressed people often associate unhealthy thoughts and emotions with their ex on top of that. But he isnt doing that. Depression is a mood disorder in which normal functioning of an individual slows down and may become null if left untreated. What is way more important than your relationship is your partners health. It is not even them. like he used to. So keep in mind that your depressed ex-boyfriend doesnt want your help right now. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Child Health; Heart Health . This will let you know how aware they are of their condition, and how committed they are to getting better. One of the most critical factors a person experiences in depression is lack of self-worth and excessive worry. You'll get health news, advice, and inspiration delivered right to your inbox. My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me: Now What? | BetterHelp I know thats what your emotions are telling you to do, but its not right. I can be free and spend more time on things that make me feel good.. My boyfriend is suffering from depression and he has been in a really bad mood lately saying how nobody cares about him and how life is pointless and meaningless and things like that and he just broke up with me a couple of hours ago. Theres no guarantee that your ex will come back after hes dealt with depression, but if he starts dating again and gets hurt (or gets hurt in some other way), he could seek solace in you and try to obtain your validation. Thank you Zan it helped me to see why he did not try to have a talk to get through issues first. If he wanted your pity and support, he would have expressed the desire to talk about the things he needed to stay in the relationship with you. The first thing is people become dishonest. Motivating him during times of distress and helping him follow a disciplined lifestyle may reduce his depressive symptoms. As the title suggests, my (ex) boyfriend who struggles with depression broke up with me. He also said that the breakup was something he had not thought about earlier, but since a few days only. If you know your boyfriend has been struggling with depression, you might have realized his behaviors have changed over time. His mother became ill which he had to take care of her and his own medical issues. Youre probably not doing much/anything wrong, but staying in his life forces him to focus on you rather than himself. Why did my depressed boyfriend break up with me? A relationship may be affected in many ways if one of the partners has some mental disorder. That was the only way he could stop investing time and energy in you and feeling pressured into doing things he didnt want to do. She was alone in a city, with no family, no friends, no roomates, with no boyfriend close to her due to covid. This is pretty typical behavior for depressed men who aren't getting adequately treated and by that I mean, aren't in therapy as well as taking medication. Affairs arent the only problems, she says. If your ex is going out a lot, sleeping with other women, and having a good time, he obviously isnt depressed or having a hard time coping with stress. I would like to connect and talk about it maybe we could help each other, Im going through it right now. She is from the USA, and i am from France. If he thinks he needs some space and time to be left alone, offer that to him. Tell them how you feel, but what is causing you to think that breaking up is the way to go. You can't wait around forever, but what you can do is try to live your life well and if things turn around, great - if not, you've still got your life. I know, for a fact, he suffers from a depression. Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, how can I help him? My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a month ago. We did not see much of each other face to face due to work schedules and because of the other things above. He asked me not to go to his house. I can relate so much to this. Much love to anyone who is going through the same situation, well all walk through this together :). Step 1: Find the real reason for the breakup Think long and hard about what really went wrong in the relationship. It hurts so bad, I have never felt so much emotional pain before. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_12',117,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); And although sometimes they might not feel like their best self, a little support can go a long way, but again, keep in mind that not feeling good is something everyone experiences from time to time. Thats because theyve committed to each other and know that life isnt always a cakewalk. No matter what he does, he cant be of much help. Its not your fault I promise its me. He does this because people close to him have a lot of expectations, requests, and sometimes even demands. They need something from you, and you dont want to be left. This understanding does not help me to fill the hole in my heart though, so sad. Boyfriend Broke Up with Me Because He is Depressed I did see it coming, he has done it a few months prior this break up, too. I told him Id always be here for him and how much I love him. They tend to run away from problems and the negative emotions they connect with their exes as solving difficult problems requires a lot of willpower and dedication. She decided to break up because she doesnt want to keep being with me while she cant love me to the fullest, and hoping she wont keep feeling this way and wont hurt me while going through everything else that is going on in her stressful daily life. They might start to push people away, as a way to not hurt others, and that is when they might break up with their partners. I had a traumatic run in with my ex abusive parenter and needed him. Hi there. I think it might give you some good insight into what's going on with your boyfriend. Studies suggest that people start to feel better around three months post-breakup. Sorry for the long message! We spent everyday focusing on our studies, our work, while building our love, our relashionship, looking forward to that future together where we would finally be able to be together. To him, the relationship became suffocating and tedious, so he thought he needed to get rid of as many stressors as he could. Its difficult to face a breakup on its own but to also see the man you love go through so much pain hurts more. We've been going out over 5 years and hasn't seemed himself the past few months and then we were together and he suddenly broke down and told me he has developed anxiety and could be depressed and thinks we need to break up so can can be by himself too. Surround yourself with loved ones. She was always tired, feeling irritated, and i occupied a smaller and smaller space in her mind amongst all her problems and stressful and depressive thoughts, even though i tried my best to make her better and happier, but she felt more distant everyday, being colder and colder.